The Quite Possibly Most Random Thing You'll Ever Read
by ImaginaryParchment
Summary: Title pretty much explains it all. These are random stories for Hetalia that are hopefully funny - well, you'll just have to read and find out! Includes drunk Germany, resurrected America, and world-conquering Finland.
1. In Which Russia Conquers the World

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own Hetalia. :)**

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**WARNING: READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING!**

**Basically, whatever's in this fic is just random stuff I wrote with my little brother. He's got a vivid imagination. :)**

**Also, updates will be sporadic. ;)**

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One day, Italy ate too much pasta.

Then, he blew up and Spock saw his remains float up into space.

Germany saw Italy blow up and so cried and got drunk with Prussia. But Prussia was actually America in disguise who assassinated him with his bow tie. "Haha!" cried America victoriously. "We've won WWII!"

After that, the world was thrown into chaos.

"Nooooooooo!"

America soon became a leading power in the chaos and led a campaign to take over Canada, Russia, and eventually China.

First he invaded Canada and won by threatening to destroy anything and everything related to pancakes, hockey, maple leaves, and polar bears.

Once he easily destroyed, rebuilt, and militarized Canada, he used Alaska and Vancouver to house a gigantic invasion force for Russia.

"Haha Russia! Prepare to be invaded! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" America laughed evilly. "Then I will take China and Europe and you'll become my fifty-something states!"

But then, Russia calmly sent four billion missiles and a pick-axe to America's head.

"Nooooooooooo!" America cried. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Then the missile hit him.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-!"

BOOM!

Instantly, he disintegrated and turned into a small pile of black dust.

Canada wept over his brother's ashes, sobbing, "I never did get to brag enough about the War of 1812! Woe is I!"

Some of the missiles got off course and turned Canada into another pile of dust. It turns out that only one missile actually hit America but the other 3,999,999,999 hit Canada.

"That sucks for them, aru," noted China. "I hope Russia doesn't hit me next, aru!"

Suddenly, he saw a small Russian plane. He was soon a pile of dust.

Germany stumbled around his country, drunk. "AUEBRURENEIFNEKSKBWODNFENIDBDJSORJFHDJDNCIEKAPQKEJFJFJWOEFJHEISISOAPARJKEIDBCHDYWUD!" he shouted.

Unfortunately, Russia didn't find his annoying shouts worthy of his mercy. Germany soon saw the same plane that hit China above his head, waiting for permission from Russia.

"AIEIFBFISKSHCOAKENDRJLSKWLD!" Germany shouted at the plane, bazooka and beer mug in hand. "AIRBFOWOSNFNFJENDNFHRJJRHF!"

Germany lazily stuffed his beer bottle into the bazooka but when he fired, the bazooka and the beer bottle exploded, killing Germany.

Russia's plane flew away and blew up Harry Styles and only Harry Styles, because no one cares about him. Then they killed Justin Bieber who was vacationing in Russia for the heck of it. This ingenious move made the remaining countries love Russia and gave him their lands.

And so Russia owned the world but was forced to marry Belarus.

Morale: Make sure Italy never eats too much pasta.

The End :)

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**You were warned! :)**

**Please review! My brother really wants to know your reactions. ;)**

**- ImaginaryParchment**


	2. In Which America Dies But Is Resurrected

**Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia!**

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**Again, I wrote these with my brother. So don't expect much sense. XD**

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One day, America shoved a burger down England's throat. "Your scones taste like petrified couch stuffing!" he shrieked. "Taste the beauty of American food!"

England loved the burger yet refused to admit it. "SCONES FTW!" he screamed, shoving a scone he had in his back pocket down America's throat.

America choked and died.

After realizing what he did, England built a bonfire and held a party for one. He eventually drank too much and his liver died, effectively killing him.

This all wasn't an accident. Romano was tactically planning all of this for he was the one who told America to try to make England like burgers.

Romano did an evil laugh. "Mwahahahahachigi!" he laughed evilly.

Suddenly, Italy burst through the door of Romano's evil lair and started pelting Romano with dried pasta clumps. Spain was right behind him, and had a barrel of rotten tomatoes, ready for launch.

Romano grabbed a bazooka loaded with a beer bottle and threatened to shoot. "I'm threatening to shoot!" he warned.

"No!" cried Spain, his hair blowing dramatically in the wind. "Stop, Roma! I love you!" He shoved a tomato into his tomato bazooka. "Just kidding!" And with that, a fat, juicy, worm-ridden, rotten tomato hit Romano straight in the face.

Roma was devastated because at the last possible moment, he screamed and got a fat, juicy, worm-ridden, rotten tomato into his mouth. Then he died.

"Nooooooooooo!" cried Italy. "What have-a we done?!"

"I killed Romano," said Spain.

"I-a know! We're-a gonna go to jail!"

Spain shrugged and ate a non-rotten tomato.

Then America came back from the dead and hanged both of them.

Morale: Don't let England kill America.

The End Because This Was Disturbing

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**Since the first story was such a success (sort of XD) I decided to post another one. Thank you to everyone who's read/reviewed! You guys are fabulous! ;)**

**Next story involves Sweden, Finland, and jelly donuts.**

**- ImaginaryParchment**


	3. In Which Sweden Eats a Jelly Donut

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia! :)**

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Sweden decided to try a donut. A jelly donut. But then Finland ate it, which made Sweden upset.

Sweden soon declared war on his former wife. He rode into battle upon a gigantic Hanatamago.

Finland rode into battle with full Santa Claus armor and a small flammable, wooden sled.

Sweden noticed it was flammable because he's an expert on wooden Scandinavian furniture. Apparently sleds count.

Noticing Sweden was holding a torch and had an artillery camp set up, Finland quickly built an aircraft carrier (out of Scandinavian furniture) to raid the artillery camp.

"FOR THE DONUT!" Sweden cried, ordering his army to fire flaming arrows at Finland's Scandinavian wood aircraft carrier. However, Finland's ship grew wings and flew away.

Suddenly, Finland spotted Norway mass producing the same jelly donut they were fighting for.

"ATTACK!" screamed Finland as he and his men parachuted out of the aircraft carrier. The Norwegian factory was soon cut off of the giant landmass and sunk in the icy Arctic water.

"DANG IT!" yelled Finland, suddenly angry. "I really wanted a jelly donut!" He stomped all over Norway. The land, not the guy.

Becoming annoyed by all the fuss, Russia sent a present to the Scandinavian countries. The present was a giant bottle of vodka. Finland was delighted for a second before he realized the bottle contained soap and a time bomb.

Sweden evilly chuckled because he was the one who told Russia to send the vodka soap bomb. "Revenge for my sweet donut," he crooned in a creepy voice.

Dark clouds spread over Europe as Sweden retrieved the jelly donut factory from the bottom of the sea, mass produced the donuts, and sold them for an outrageously high price.

Netherlands was sort of proud of Sweden, but was also disgusted that he had stolen his ingenious tactic for making money. He swiftly sent Sweden a gift.

This time, it was a barrel of pickled fish. There was no bomb. Just pickled fish. But it had a price attached, so it wasn't really a present. It also had a sales tax of over 12 billion Euros.

"Dang," thought Sweden. "Oh well. I made a $183,746,429,398,475,939,928,374,657,392,010,394,757,399,202,948,757,575,749,291,984,748,392.99 profit off the donuts. I guess I can afford the barrel of fish."

Then, an unknown investor suddenly bought a part of Sweden's company.

It was actually...Finland! OMG!

Finland bought half of Netherlands' fish company, three quarters of China's pastry incorporation, and a quarter of Russia's leading producer of vodka.

Finland soon grew to rule over all of the world after creating an army of Hetalia fangirls. Now that he had the supplies, he created the demand by unleashing his army upon all other pickled fish factories, pastry shops, and alcohol producers. Germany, Russia, and Spain were turned into giant factories to supply his army with enough food.

Moral: Make sure Finland does NOT eat Sweden's jelly donut.

(Too late!)

The End (of the world)

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**As always, these stories are pointless and should not be taken seriously.**

**Reviews are appreciated! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or followed. :)**

**Kudos to whoever caught the "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" reference. XD**

**- ImaginaryParchment**


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